Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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