I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
