5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
