im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
