Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
