Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we're so committed to being not committed
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