its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
