she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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