dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
