apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
