Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
