Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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