Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
