you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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