Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize