you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
