I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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