i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
