I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
