I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
