Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
