so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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