get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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