I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
