Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
