She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
