My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
