I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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