I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
