You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
