dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize