i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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