I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it penis luge time yet?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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