Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
