Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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