he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
