haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
