I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
