hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
