Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
