you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
