I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
