If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
