is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
