Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
