you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
should my penis look like a turkey
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
