I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
