I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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