1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
