If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
