Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
