I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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