ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
