I just made out with a guy for $7.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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