i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
