I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
