Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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