he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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