My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
