I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
