Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
